I can cry but I can't feel the sadness just pure coldness and nothingness....?

I have become really depressed and erratic in my moods, I am also paradoxical as well and indesicive.. I feel so indiferent, but I do smile when I see things that make me happy but the overwhelming feeling of happiness doesn't shoot throo my body, same with any emotion whether it's sadness etc.. I feel so emotionally numb, even depersonalised in a way. I have done solvent abuse in the past and have had distressing experiences, I feel those are the causes. I just want to feel the overwhelming feeling of happiness again, have a life I want and not letting other bullcrap putting me down. Seriously I feel so empty, is this normal? is there a cure I just want my soul back, I feel like I don't have one. I even hear a voice in my head speaking me to saying things that make me anxious or doing things that I don't wanna do....help me please. My shoulders are always up, my muscles are tense and jaw is sometimes left hanging and I seem to wonder off into emptiness sometimes.....